Cabin Fever

Cabin fever is an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in a small space, with nothing to do, for an extended period (as in a simple country vacation cottage during a long rain or snow). Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark.
Source: Wikipedia

It's been 16 days since I'd given birth. And about 14 days being cooped up at home since coming home from the hospital. Since coming home from the hospital, I'd only gone out twice, and both times were trips to the hospital. In the last two days, I feel like I've been going out of my mind.

Every day is the same - wake up, feed baby, bathe baby, feed baby and put him to sleep, sit in salt, shower, wear bengkung, get dressed, have breakfast, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, put him to sleep, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, put him to sleep, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, bathe baby, change him into pyjamas, put him to sleep, wash up for bed...

I've always been active - before and even during pregnancy. I'm always doing something. On weekdays after work, I cook, do laundry, iron, or whatever household work or project I have going on. On weekends, I spend one day running errands or going out and Sundays are when I clean the house - toilets, kitchen, bedrooms. I'm so used to always being on the move or always doing something that now that I'm restricted to doing nothing, I feel TRAPPED.

I love spending time with my baby. It's those hours when he's asleep that I end up doing nothing but watching TV and going online that's driving me nuts. I want to clean the kitchen, the bathrooms, do the laundry and iron. But I've been forbidden because I need to 'rest'.

I always thought I'd be okay with just lying around and doing nothing for 44 days, but I feel like I'm a useless, worthless piece of nothing who's unmotivated and inefficient. I never knew how difficult going through the same cycle day in and day out would be.

Eddie doesn't understand cabin fever or what it means. So seeing me sit at the balcony for an hour and just brushing my hair to him means that I'm going crazy. Or that he did something wrong to me and I'm upset with him. I don't know how to explain to him how I feel because he cannot function unless I'm acting 'normal'. But I don't have the energy to act 'normal'.

ARGH!!!!