It's 7.30am on a Saturday morning. I park my car in the almost empty parking lot at the same spot I always park. I check to see whether the car is straight and centred. With my bag hanging across of me, I carry my water bottle in one hand and keys in the other.
3rd floor. I walk by the cleaning lady who's cleaning the floor and smile. I bend down, open the padlock, pull the shutter up, enter the shop and push the shutter back down. The shop doesn't open till 10am. I switch on whichever light I need and get to work.
I switch on the PC, have a quick look through of all the papers, files, fax and documents from the last five days. Then I go to my favourite place of the whole shop - the teacher's workstation. I change the newspapers, re-arrange all the accessories and switch on the electrical appliances. I draw and draw and draw till the pile stacks up. Then I begin cutting.
Sometimes I put the radio on, but play it very softly. But usually, I'd play John Mayer's CD over and over again until it was almost time to switch on the rest of the lights and pull the shutters up.
10am - I'm relaxed and at peace. The next 10 hours fly by in a hectic and chaotic rush. Squeals of laughter is heard throughout the day. Hands, feet, body and face end up being covered in glitter, glue and paint. And not a second goes by when I'm in that shop that I feel bored. Ever.
Despite all that's happened between Audrey and me, this is what I miss. Still. GC has always had a special place in my heart. And now is no exception.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Being a Mummy means...
Being a Mummy means...
You no longer have any privacy. Whatever you do in the bathroom (and I really mean whatever...), you have to do it with the door slightly open, with one ear open to listen out whether your baby needs you. And when your baby needs you, he needs you NOW!
You eat in a rush...or you don't eat at all. Babies don't understand when Mummy needs to eat. And they're timing usually means they'll demand your attention at times when you're in the middle of something else. This includes eating. Now that we're in the month of Ramadhan, the first few days didn't affect me much because I didn't fast and I would only just accompany Eddie at the table. But once I've started fasting, we had to make sure we'd changed his diaper, fed, burped and put him to sleep before we can even begin thinking of our breaking of fast. But this just means that we still need to be on alert when we have our food. And don't even dream of continuing your food should your baby wake up or cry when you're eating.
Suddenly being super health conscious. You have sanitizers on the ready to offer to anyone who thinks of touching your baby, you immediately think of germs when you hear or see someone sneeze near your baby and you try to avoid people kissing your baby. I don't understand why some people (especially those 'Aunty's' who think just because they know you) think they can just pick up my baby and kiss them on their face. Hello? Germs! I don't kiss your child on his face or near his nose and mouth...what makes you think you can kiss mine? Sheesh.
Being superly over-protective. You want to make sure your baby is safe and warm and fed and happy. And you especially want to make sure that no one hurts him - physically, mentally or emotionally. And there's this need to defend and protect my baby from anybody who even dares to think toxic thoughts about my child. Not only do they have me to answer to, they have his very tall and superly over-protective Baba to answer to as well.
Your whole life revolves around your baby. It begins from the moment you fall pregnant - or realise/confirm that you're pregnant. You can't eat whatever you want anymore because most likely, you can't even stand the smell or taste of it without vomiting it back out. And it's not even up to you when the baby wants to be welcomed to the world - unless you're one of "those" people. Your baby may want to be born at a convenient time of day, or he may choose to come out in the middle of the night. When your baby is finally out, everything depends on your baby. You have to tiptoe around him so he doesn't wake up. You sleep when he sleeps. You stay awake when he's awake - even if he decides to wake up at 3am just to play. And if you're breastfeeding, you watch what you eat so it doesn't affect your baby. To this day, I still cannot eat jamu because my body gets so heaty that it makes my baby really uncomfortable and he goes red and screams whenever he feeds.
Talking non-stop about your baby. From the moment you know you're becoming a Mummy, or when you actually become a Mummy, you will never get bored talking about your baby. People who don't have children may not understand and say that we've got no lives, but those who are also Mummies get it. You feel so proud and so much love for your little guy that you can gush all day long to whoever is willing to listen.
You constantly want to take his photo. Even if it means you take the same picture over and over again at different angles. Before I became a Mummy, I would see pictures my friends would put of their babies. Sometimes it looks like the same picture except in the next one, the baby moved his hand slightly. I used to wonder why they would post almost 200 pictures which all look so similar. Now that I've become a Mummy, I realised that I would constantly take my baby's photo - the same one in different angles :)
Doing everything you can to make him smile and laugh. Even at only a month old, whenever your baby smile and laughs, you feel so much joy that you would do whatever you can think of at the moment to make him smile and laugh again. Most of the time, he would just look at you as though you've lost your mind.
All you want to do is kiss and cuddle your baby. Seeing your baby awkwardly move his hands and legs while making spontaneous noises make you want to continuously kiss him while holding back the urge to squeeze him. Even though we've agreed never to let our baby sleep in our bed with us, there have been once or twice where either one of us would break the rules and put him between us. And we would fight over who gets to cuddle more of him :)
Having your heart outside of your body. The feeling of having a child is incredible. Only those who have children too understand. It's not the same if you try to imagine it. Once your baby is born and you hear his first cry, you immediately feel this rush of love and need to protect this little thing that you created out of love. No matter how tired, grumpy or cranky you are, or how inconvenient a child can be at times...as a parent, you would do whatever you can to keep your baby happy, healthy and always smiling. If you don't, what else is there to live for?
You no longer have any privacy. Whatever you do in the bathroom (and I really mean whatever...), you have to do it with the door slightly open, with one ear open to listen out whether your baby needs you. And when your baby needs you, he needs you NOW!
You eat in a rush...or you don't eat at all. Babies don't understand when Mummy needs to eat. And they're timing usually means they'll demand your attention at times when you're in the middle of something else. This includes eating. Now that we're in the month of Ramadhan, the first few days didn't affect me much because I didn't fast and I would only just accompany Eddie at the table. But once I've started fasting, we had to make sure we'd changed his diaper, fed, burped and put him to sleep before we can even begin thinking of our breaking of fast. But this just means that we still need to be on alert when we have our food. And don't even dream of continuing your food should your baby wake up or cry when you're eating.
Suddenly being super health conscious. You have sanitizers on the ready to offer to anyone who thinks of touching your baby, you immediately think of germs when you hear or see someone sneeze near your baby and you try to avoid people kissing your baby. I don't understand why some people (especially those 'Aunty's' who think just because they know you) think they can just pick up my baby and kiss them on their face. Hello? Germs! I don't kiss your child on his face or near his nose and mouth...what makes you think you can kiss mine? Sheesh.
Being superly over-protective. You want to make sure your baby is safe and warm and fed and happy. And you especially want to make sure that no one hurts him - physically, mentally or emotionally. And there's this need to defend and protect my baby from anybody who even dares to think toxic thoughts about my child. Not only do they have me to answer to, they have his very tall and superly over-protective Baba to answer to as well.
Your whole life revolves around your baby. It begins from the moment you fall pregnant - or realise/confirm that you're pregnant. You can't eat whatever you want anymore because most likely, you can't even stand the smell or taste of it without vomiting it back out. And it's not even up to you when the baby wants to be welcomed to the world - unless you're one of "those" people. Your baby may want to be born at a convenient time of day, or he may choose to come out in the middle of the night. When your baby is finally out, everything depends on your baby. You have to tiptoe around him so he doesn't wake up. You sleep when he sleeps. You stay awake when he's awake - even if he decides to wake up at 3am just to play. And if you're breastfeeding, you watch what you eat so it doesn't affect your baby. To this day, I still cannot eat jamu because my body gets so heaty that it makes my baby really uncomfortable and he goes red and screams whenever he feeds.
Talking non-stop about your baby. From the moment you know you're becoming a Mummy, or when you actually become a Mummy, you will never get bored talking about your baby. People who don't have children may not understand and say that we've got no lives, but those who are also Mummies get it. You feel so proud and so much love for your little guy that you can gush all day long to whoever is willing to listen.
You constantly want to take his photo. Even if it means you take the same picture over and over again at different angles. Before I became a Mummy, I would see pictures my friends would put of their babies. Sometimes it looks like the same picture except in the next one, the baby moved his hand slightly. I used to wonder why they would post almost 200 pictures which all look so similar. Now that I've become a Mummy, I realised that I would constantly take my baby's photo - the same one in different angles :)
Doing everything you can to make him smile and laugh. Even at only a month old, whenever your baby smile and laughs, you feel so much joy that you would do whatever you can think of at the moment to make him smile and laugh again. Most of the time, he would just look at you as though you've lost your mind.
All you want to do is kiss and cuddle your baby. Seeing your baby awkwardly move his hands and legs while making spontaneous noises make you want to continuously kiss him while holding back the urge to squeeze him. Even though we've agreed never to let our baby sleep in our bed with us, there have been once or twice where either one of us would break the rules and put him between us. And we would fight over who gets to cuddle more of him :)
Having your heart outside of your body. The feeling of having a child is incredible. Only those who have children too understand. It's not the same if you try to imagine it. Once your baby is born and you hear his first cry, you immediately feel this rush of love and need to protect this little thing that you created out of love. No matter how tired, grumpy or cranky you are, or how inconvenient a child can be at times...as a parent, you would do whatever you can to keep your baby happy, healthy and always smiling. If you don't, what else is there to live for?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Never Ever
A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find
My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah
Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling
won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4
You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know
You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find
My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah
Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling
won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more
I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4
You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know
You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe
- All Saints, 'Never Ever'
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
My Family
Eddie a.k.a. Baba
The husband. The father. The kind one. The caring one. The concerned one. The one who keeps us warm and protected. The one who takes care of us. The one who holds us close and tight. The one who showers us with hugs and kisses. The one who has the biggest smile and laugh. The one with the janggut. The one who sacrifices sleep so we can sleep comfortably. The one who always makes us laugh.
Zafry a.k.a. Baby
The baby. The cute one. The little fart monster. The one who we don't mind losing sleep over. The one who takes up the biggest chunk in our hearts. The one who we fight over who gets to put him down for a nap. The one who always makes us laugh. The little one with the big, loud grunts. The one who's cry in the middle of the night make us jump out of bed and straight to his crib. The one who we watch over when he sleeps. The one we shower with kisses. The one who always makes us smile. The one who sometimes pulls Baba's janggut. The one we made out of love.
Anna a.k.a. Mummy
The wife. The mother. The strict one. The control freak. The worrisome one. The one who fusses over her boys. The one who makes sure her boys are happy. The one who watches over her boys when they sleep. The one who would sacrifice sleep so her husband can rest. The one who loves being showered with hugs and kisses. The one cuddles her boys when they sleep. The one who would do anything to make sure our family stays happy.
The husband. The father. The kind one. The caring one. The concerned one. The one who keeps us warm and protected. The one who takes care of us. The one who holds us close and tight. The one who showers us with hugs and kisses. The one who has the biggest smile and laugh. The one with the janggut. The one who sacrifices sleep so we can sleep comfortably. The one who always makes us laugh.
Zafry a.k.a. Baby
The baby. The cute one. The little fart monster. The one who we don't mind losing sleep over. The one who takes up the biggest chunk in our hearts. The one who we fight over who gets to put him down for a nap. The one who always makes us laugh. The little one with the big, loud grunts. The one who's cry in the middle of the night make us jump out of bed and straight to his crib. The one who we watch over when he sleeps. The one we shower with kisses. The one who always makes us smile. The one who sometimes pulls Baba's janggut. The one we made out of love.
Anna a.k.a. Mummy
The wife. The mother. The strict one. The control freak. The worrisome one. The one who fusses over her boys. The one who makes sure her boys are happy. The one who watches over her boys when they sleep. The one who would sacrifice sleep so her husband can rest. The one who loves being showered with hugs and kisses. The one cuddles her boys when they sleep. The one who would do anything to make sure our family stays happy.
 |
| My family :) God Willing, we'll grow bigger in time :) |
Monday, August 1, 2011
50 Things Women Wish Men Knew
- Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count
- Real men drive stick shift
- I will leave if you lie
- You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball shirts)
- I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so
- I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear
- “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look
- Most of the time when I fantasize, it’s about you
- I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her
- I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you
- I expect you to call me
- Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants
- I’m scared of losing my independence
- I’m more forgiving of you then I really should be
- Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick
- You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not
- If I’m not having sex with you, I’m (a) having a fat day, (b) not feeling ‘connected’ to you, (c) blackmailing you to get something I want
- Shoes determine whether you’re fashionable or not
- I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I’m not afraid to use it
- When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing
- The man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favourite candy in advance when we’re just going to the movies
- You look hot in hooded clothing items
- You should never tell me what to do
- If I slept over, you owe me breakfast
- My breasts love much licking and sucking
- If you ask me out directly, I will say yes
- I’m very impressed when you ask for my advice
- I’m unimpressed with a man who doesn’t take the lead
- When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye colour
- I want to be Madonna
- Women get urinary-tract infection easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers
- I’m in heaven when you hold my hand
- You’re sexy when you’re shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby
- I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now
- Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving
- I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you – and for you to recognize this
- If I’m not feeling loved, I will start looking…
- Discussion of ex-gf’s and ex-bf’s should be avoided at all times
- I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking, even if you don’t know yourself
- Celebrating our anniversary, even if it’s only been a few months, earns major bonus points
- I love it when you’re sweaty
- It’s best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas
- A lady should always be greeted with kisses
- I like porn
- I love holding your bum in the palm of my hands
- Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public
- It’s cheating as soon as you do something with her you wouldn’t want me to see, hear, read…
- For the record, I’d rather you break up with me then cheat
- I remember everything about our relationship
- You should know all this and more without my telling you
Cabin Fever: The Aftermath
Eddie was supposed to drive to Tanjung Karang and bring my mak cik urut to our house for the second session post birth on Saturday. On Friday night, Eddie made the arrangements and told me that he would leave home after Subuh and will be back in KL a few hours after that.
Being in the cabin fever state of mind, it got me thinking...what if I followed instead? That way, Eddie won't have to drive up and down so many times, and I would actually have something to do and be out of the house. Following Eddie back to Tanjung Karang wouldn't really be against the rules of my pantang, because we would just be in the car travelling back. After throwing the idea in the air, Eddie agreed. Yay!
We decided to take the new LATAR highway to travel back. Zafry was secured and asleep in his car seat while I sat next to him in the back. It was a cold and rainy morning when we made our way out. It felt so surreal and so good to know that I wouldn't be stuck at home the whole day...again! Stopping for petrol and buying breakfast, we ate and talked in the car. Things in the last week has been a bit tense between Eddie and me because of my major mood swings. But being in the car and talking like how we used to felt good again.
Reaching Tanjung Karang, Ayah called to ask if we'd reached. He also asked about Zafry and sounded as though he missed his little grandson. So we decided since we were already halfway there, we'd balik kampung for a few hours after I was done with my urut.
Ayah called us twice when we were on our way back to kampung. When we reached, he was already outside with Hakim waiting for our arrival. He was so happy to see Zafry. Eddie asked him to carry Zafry out from his car seat, which would be the first time Ayah carried Zafry. Although we only spent about six hours at kampung, everyone made the most of it. Ayah even bathed Zafry :)
We reached back to KL by midnight. Zafry slept all the way but woke up once we reached home. I got tired just at the thought of having to get out of bed every three hours to get Zafry out of his crib to feed him, I decided to 'cheat' this one night. I put Zafry in bed next to me and put him to sleep. Before this, Eddie and I agreed that we won't make it a habit for any of our children to sleep in bed with us. But this night was an exception. I don't know if Zafry was so tired from the day's events or he was so happy to get that rare opportunity to sleep next to me, but he slept from 1am to 6am! I guess he must have been happy since I don't even make it a habit for him to nap with me :)
Today, I feel so much more productive. Before this, just the thought of having to get out of bed and do anything was daunting. But this morning, I felt more energetic then ever, and I think it was due to the fact that my mood felt much better having been able to get out of the house to somewhere other then the hospital.
I think that full day outing will last me another week or so. I hope...guess I have to figure out where we can head to next weekend without my 'cheating' my pantang ;)
Being in the cabin fever state of mind, it got me thinking...what if I followed instead? That way, Eddie won't have to drive up and down so many times, and I would actually have something to do and be out of the house. Following Eddie back to Tanjung Karang wouldn't really be against the rules of my pantang, because we would just be in the car travelling back. After throwing the idea in the air, Eddie agreed. Yay!
We decided to take the new LATAR highway to travel back. Zafry was secured and asleep in his car seat while I sat next to him in the back. It was a cold and rainy morning when we made our way out. It felt so surreal and so good to know that I wouldn't be stuck at home the whole day...again! Stopping for petrol and buying breakfast, we ate and talked in the car. Things in the last week has been a bit tense between Eddie and me because of my major mood swings. But being in the car and talking like how we used to felt good again.
Reaching Tanjung Karang, Ayah called to ask if we'd reached. He also asked about Zafry and sounded as though he missed his little grandson. So we decided since we were already halfway there, we'd balik kampung for a few hours after I was done with my urut.
Ayah called us twice when we were on our way back to kampung. When we reached, he was already outside with Hakim waiting for our arrival. He was so happy to see Zafry. Eddie asked him to carry Zafry out from his car seat, which would be the first time Ayah carried Zafry. Although we only spent about six hours at kampung, everyone made the most of it. Ayah even bathed Zafry :)
We reached back to KL by midnight. Zafry slept all the way but woke up once we reached home. I got tired just at the thought of having to get out of bed every three hours to get Zafry out of his crib to feed him, I decided to 'cheat' this one night. I put Zafry in bed next to me and put him to sleep. Before this, Eddie and I agreed that we won't make it a habit for any of our children to sleep in bed with us. But this night was an exception. I don't know if Zafry was so tired from the day's events or he was so happy to get that rare opportunity to sleep next to me, but he slept from 1am to 6am! I guess he must have been happy since I don't even make it a habit for him to nap with me :)
Today, I feel so much more productive. Before this, just the thought of having to get out of bed and do anything was daunting. But this morning, I felt more energetic then ever, and I think it was due to the fact that my mood felt much better having been able to get out of the house to somewhere other then the hospital.
I think that full day outing will last me another week or so. I hope...guess I have to figure out where we can head to next weekend without my 'cheating' my pantang ;)
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