Friday, June 17, 2011

Dear _______

Sy harap suatu hari nnt dia juga rasa seperti yg ayah rasa. Sayu hati saya setiap kali melihat air mata ayah bergenang dgn sikap abang. Saya tak doakan dia sakit.. tp sy nak dia rasa mcm mana hati seorang ayah bila anak buat mcm tu pada dia. Saya nak dia rasa mcm mana hati ayah rasa bila dia merajuk satu ketika dulu dgn ayah dan ambil keputusan untuk tidak balik kg n tanya kabar ayah untuk beberapa tahun.. sy nak dia rasa itu.Pasal xnk sambung belajar, pasal xnak stay kerja, pasal kawen..dan yg terbaru pasal ayah sakit..etc. Sy nak dia rasa semua yg ayah rasa.. sy tak nak Allah beri lebih dari apa yg dia buat sekarang terhadap cukup la setimpal dgn apa saja yg dia buat.. termasuk juga segala kebaikan yg dia buat. Sy nak dia rasa.. itu doa saya.

Dear _______,

There have been many times and quite a few people who told me to watch out for your mouth because you say what you think and sentiasa membebel. Even to people who are not involved. At first I thought ok, let's watch out. And after a while I just thought ok, she speaks her mind. There have been plenty of times where there are things you've said that made me feel that you've gone a little too far. But I kept quiet. Because hey, who am I?

A lot of things have changed in the last few months and I see that you have been resenting us more and more in those few months. Regarding Ayah's hospital fees, didn't Abang say that we can't afford to pay because we need to standby for the impending birth of our child? And if I'm not mistaken your response to him was, "kenapa tak bersalin kat hospital biasa?" First of all, I'm the one giving birth. Second of all, it is my choice and it is up to us where we want our child to be born. Are we meant to give up what we can just to make you happy and make you feel as though we've contributed?

Regarding hutang. First, apa kena mengena hutang kita dengan awak? Ada pernah sekali ke kita cakap yang kita tak nak bayar balik? Atau kita suka suka nak berhutang? Why is this suddenly your problem and suddenly your responsibility? Yes, we are the good child. The one who is willing to sacrifice and give up everything to make sure that everything goes well in the family. Good job. Well done. Is that what you want to hear? Is that why you've been announcing to the whole world how tired and how alone you feel and how you have had to take over the responsibility of everything? Has the thought ever crossed your mind that other people have other commitments and we cannot simply drop everything in an instant? Or should we write in our blogs about what bad people/children we are and how lucky we are to have you around?

tp sy nak dia rasa mcm mana hati seorang ayah bila anak buat mcm tu pada dia. = this line is the reason that I'm writing this in my blog. This line is what made you cross the line with me. Before this, you wrote about ego or tak malu and hutang and what not but I always kept quiet. It was an issue you had with Abang and I kept my distance. But your doa that you want our child to sakitkan hati abang...that's crossing the line. Don't you dare bring my child into the picture. Don't you dare doakan benda tak bukan2 for my child who has not even been born yet. As an adult, shouldn't you doa that this cycle doesn't repeat? Or that since Abang is about to become a father that he would understand and mend his ways? But chose the worst and ugliest thing you could doa for my child.

This is my doa for you. I doakan that one day you too will have a child of your own. And ni bukan dari niat jahat. I doa that you will be blessed with healthy, happy children who will fulfill your life and make you and your hubby proud to be their parents. And I doa that they will grow to be smart and successful human beings. Why do I doa all of this? Because this is what Abang and I doa for our child. When you are about to become a parent, you have this immediate instinct to have the best for your child. Good is not even enough. You also have a need to be protective over your child. So when I read those ugly, hurtful words, I knew it was time to speak up.

Why do I choose to do it here? Well, maybe it's the only way to get through to you since you felt that's the best way for you to get through to us. I know I'm no one in your family. I know you have a dislike for my background and probably don't even think I deserve what I have or that I've influenced Abang. I don't know. What I know is that I will not allow anyone to speak about my husband, my child and my family that way. No matter how hurt or upset a person is.

If you're unhappy with things, maybe you can try a different approach instead of having to announce it to the world. Maybe you can speak to Abang. And don't even say you've tried. Because what you do is wait till everyone is gathered and then menyalak macam anjing to him in front of everyone. You have humiliated him so many times and he has always kept quiet. You have broken his heart so many times and he has always pushed it aside. No, Abang is not perfect and his past may not be something he's proud of. But do you think announcing his private, personal problems to the world will make him solve things faster? Or make things better as a family? Have you ever thought of how what you say will affect other people? Are you proud and satisfied with what you've done?

What I need from you now is to stop announcing to the world private family matters that should remain private. When you feel angry and feel blogging is the only way to release your anger...write it down. But don't post it. Cause there are some things you say that you can never take back.

Don't bother worrying about our hutang. And stop making it your duty or responsibility. Like I said before, tak pernah skali pun sebelum ni we said we won't pay back. And it's not even your problem. Yes, he is your Ayah. But he's Abang's Ayah too. That problem is something that has nothing to do with you but everything to do between Ayah and Abang.

And stop with the hospital fees. We're grateful you initiated it and took care of it, but is there really a need to continuously drag the situation? Is it really difficult for you to understand our position? Do you realise that we're expecting our first child and we want it to be a happy experience? Or are you going to find a fault in that too?

I have had a beautiful pregnancy so far. And I am so close to holding our baby in my arms. You don't understand how long Abang has been waiting for this moment either. And we will not allow you to ruin it.

Don't expect me to be there for every family gathering anymore. And don't expect much from me. I'm not going to stop Abang from seeing or going to any of these gatherings. But I will not allow my child to be around people who are nothing but negative.


Little Lizzy said...

There have been plenty of times and quite a lot of people who told me to watch out for your mouth too because not even u always say what you think but also likes to "mencarut" even while you are carrying ur baby in ur tummy. Kalau sblm ni u pernah cakap takut ur baby get influence by ur nieces and nephews who always mencarut, please bare in mind, the major influence is coming from you yourself.

1st, I dont understand y u always highlight about money. Regards the hospital fees and the hutang. Because what matter me most is abang's sikap and attitudes, not the fees. And FYI, as I mention in my blog, abang x pernah ambil tahu pon pasal the fees. And tak pernah discuss or tell me if he cannot afford to pay. But rasional faham2 sendiri. That y i said money is not the point.Tapi still hairan, mcm mana dia boleh cakap he already told me the reason and i respond to him " kenapa x bersalin di hospital biasa?". Aiyoo...

Kedua,Kak Anna, I have no right to question you about it.Buat ape la saya nk suruh u bersalin di hospital biasa, sbb kalau saya sendiri pon, sy akan bersalin di swasta.Especially this is ur 1st child..Even if abang cannot effort, I know ur parent is more than enough to support the fees.Yg sy tau abang yg reply sms suruh sy bawa ayah di Hospital biasa rather than go to Pantai.

Ketiga,Regarding hutang.. rasanya da explain dlm sms aritu. Sy harap ayah dapat pergi tunaikan haji selewat2nye hujung tahun depan. Sbb ikut perancangan tahun lepas ayah dan Ummi pegi haji, tp terpaksa postpone. So, harap lepas ni xde postpone2 lagi.. Sy taknak terkilan mcm arwah Ummi.. Memang ajal maut ditangan Allah.Sy paham tu. Tp kalau boleh biar lah sume nye da ready.

Keempat,kalau Kak Anna tanya apa kena mengena dgn sy? who said xde kena mengena?? He is my father. My only dad..i don't know about you. But for me..i will do everything for him.

Kelima pasal nk ckp kat sini..everybody have their own commitments. It is how you manage its.

Keenam, Sy tak pernah terfikir if kak anna had influence abang because i know my brother well.

Ketujuh, Sy tak pernah tunggu sume org berkumpul then menyalak macam anjing to abang in front of everyone. Even masa sy tak cukup duit di hospital, saya tarik abang ketepi to ask if he has some money to top up. But, he choose to keep silent and keep distance from me, pergi minum kat starbuck ground floor Pantai Hspital. Ape tu? So again, saya paham2 sendiri, dia xde duit.

Kelapan, There are many other ways to support ayah's while he is in need. Fine..if abang xde duit for the fees. Tp as anak sulung, dia boleh beri moral support, luangkan masa, show his caring, jumpa doktor, cari alternative way or second opinion, tolong ayah jaga adik2 lain, tolong picit2 ayah,do laundry, urut dada, tanya if he need anything,and bla bla bla...rather than dtg melawat just untuk tunjuk muka j. is not about fees darling...its about attitude. Dan sy doakan dia rasa apa yg ayah rasa supaya dia sedar. Org kata..bila org berbudi..kita berbahasa.Bila org buat baik..kita balas la dgn kebaikan.Bila abang susah, ayah tolong, i aspect abang to do the same masa ayah susah.

Kesembilan, tanggungjawab abang bukan hanya untuk ayah. Juga pada ibu dan bapa mertua.Sama jugak...bila org buat baik..balas la dgn kebaikan.

Kesepuluh, this is my last comment. Cakap lah ape pon.. kata lah ape pon yg u nak kata..I will not respond anymore. Lepas ni,hanya nk tengok dan tunggu j.Sorry if i cross your line sbb doakan abang.Don't worry darling, Allah tu Maha Adil lagi Maha Bijaksana. Doa seorang ibu tu lebih dasyat dari segala doa.Itu da tertulis dalam AlQuran.Tp setiap perkataan itupon dikira satu doa. Mungkin Allah akan beri pengajaran kepada abang dalam keadaan yg berbeza suatu hari nnt.Siapa tahu kan?Tp saya memang berdoa dia dapat tahu dan sedar suatu hari nnt.

Ezzah Aziz said...

Jangan macam tu anna...kita memang tak boleh nak puaskan hati semua org...adik beradik mcm mana pun tak kan putus...sabar ya..