You always assume that the older generation are meant to be not only 'older', but also 'wiser'. As the 'younger' one, you assume that you should look up to these people for 'guidance'. But then what would you do when you find out that some of these people have nothing better to do in their lives but GOSSIP? Is it because their miserable, empty, gaping lives are FAKE? Or because they really have NOTHING BETTER TO DO? Or because this is FUN for them? Whatever it is, I'm glad I've discovered it now. I'm glad that I didn't waste 30 years of my life and only discovering you're a two-faced, conniving, good for nothing excuse for a human being. Syukur pada Allah that I discovered your TRUE COLOURS only 3 years after getting to know you.
So take this as my goodbye letter. Don't expect anything from me and I definitely won't expect anything from you.
Oh, and siapa2 makan cili, dia yang terasa pedas. Oooppssss...
Showing posts with label Release. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Release. Show all posts
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Cabin Fever
Cabin fever is an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in a small space, with nothing to do, for an extended period (as in a simple country vacation cottage during a long rain or snow). Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark.
Source: Wikipedia
It's been 16 days since I'd given birth. And about 14 days being cooped up at home since coming home from the hospital. Since coming home from the hospital, I'd only gone out twice, and both times were trips to the hospital. In the last two days, I feel like I've been going out of my mind.
Every day is the same - wake up, feed baby, bathe baby, feed baby and put him to sleep, sit in salt, shower, wear bengkung, get dressed, have breakfast, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, put him to sleep, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, put him to sleep, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, bathe baby, change him into pyjamas, put him to sleep, wash up for bed...
I've always been active - before and even during pregnancy. I'm always doing something. On weekdays after work, I cook, do laundry, iron, or whatever household work or project I have going on. On weekends, I spend one day running errands or going out and Sundays are when I clean the house - toilets, kitchen, bedrooms. I'm so used to always being on the move or always doing something that now that I'm restricted to doing nothing, I feel TRAPPED.
I love spending time with my baby. It's those hours when he's asleep that I end up doing nothing but watching TV and going online that's driving me nuts. I want to clean the kitchen, the bathrooms, do the laundry and iron. But I've been forbidden because I need to 'rest'.
I always thought I'd be okay with just lying around and doing nothing for 44 days, but I feel like I'm a useless, worthless piece of nothing who's unmotivated and inefficient. I never knew how difficult going through the same cycle day in and day out would be.
Eddie doesn't understand cabin fever or what it means. So seeing me sit at the balcony for an hour and just brushing my hair to him means that I'm going crazy. Or that he did something wrong to me and I'm upset with him. I don't know how to explain to him how I feel because he cannot function unless I'm acting 'normal'. But I don't have the energy to act 'normal'.
ARGH!!!!
Source: Wikipedia
It's been 16 days since I'd given birth. And about 14 days being cooped up at home since coming home from the hospital. Since coming home from the hospital, I'd only gone out twice, and both times were trips to the hospital. In the last two days, I feel like I've been going out of my mind.
Every day is the same - wake up, feed baby, bathe baby, feed baby and put him to sleep, sit in salt, shower, wear bengkung, get dressed, have breakfast, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, put him to sleep, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, put him to sleep, watch TV, feed baby, burp baby, bathe baby, change him into pyjamas, put him to sleep, wash up for bed...
I've always been active - before and even during pregnancy. I'm always doing something. On weekdays after work, I cook, do laundry, iron, or whatever household work or project I have going on. On weekends, I spend one day running errands or going out and Sundays are when I clean the house - toilets, kitchen, bedrooms. I'm so used to always being on the move or always doing something that now that I'm restricted to doing nothing, I feel TRAPPED.
I love spending time with my baby. It's those hours when he's asleep that I end up doing nothing but watching TV and going online that's driving me nuts. I want to clean the kitchen, the bathrooms, do the laundry and iron. But I've been forbidden because I need to 'rest'.
I always thought I'd be okay with just lying around and doing nothing for 44 days, but I feel like I'm a useless, worthless piece of nothing who's unmotivated and inefficient. I never knew how difficult going through the same cycle day in and day out would be.
Eddie doesn't understand cabin fever or what it means. So seeing me sit at the balcony for an hour and just brushing my hair to him means that I'm going crazy. Or that he did something wrong to me and I'm upset with him. I don't know how to explain to him how I feel because he cannot function unless I'm acting 'normal'. But I don't have the energy to act 'normal'.
ARGH!!!!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Dear _______
Sy harap suatu hari nnt dia juga rasa seperti yg ayah rasa. Sayu hati saya setiap kali melihat air mata ayah bergenang dgn sikap abang. Saya tak doakan dia sakit.. tp sy nak dia rasa mcm mana hati seorang ayah bila anak buat mcm tu pada dia. Saya nak dia rasa mcm mana hati ayah rasa bila dia merajuk satu ketika dulu dgn ayah dan ambil keputusan untuk tidak balik kg n tanya kabar ayah untuk beberapa tahun.. sy nak dia rasa itu.Pasal xnk sambung belajar, pasal xnak stay kerja, pasal kawen..dan yg terbaru pasal ayah sakit..etc. Sy nak dia rasa semua yg ayah rasa.. sy tak nak Allah beri lebih dari apa yg dia buat sekarang terhadap ayah..tp cukup la setimpal dgn apa saja yg dia buat.. termasuk juga segala kebaikan yg dia buat. Sy nak dia rasa.. itu doa saya.
Dear _______,
There have been many times and quite a few people who told me to watch out for your mouth because you say what you think and sentiasa membebel. Even to people who are not involved. At first I thought ok, let's watch out. And after a while I just thought ok, she speaks her mind. There have been plenty of times where there are things you've said that made me feel that you've gone a little too far. But I kept quiet. Because hey, who am I?
A lot of things have changed in the last few months and I see that you have been resenting us more and more in those few months. Regarding Ayah's hospital fees, didn't Abang say that we can't afford to pay because we need to standby for the impending birth of our child? And if I'm not mistaken your response to him was, "kenapa tak bersalin kat hospital biasa?" First of all, I'm the one giving birth. Second of all, it is my choice and it is up to us where we want our child to be born. Are we meant to give up what we can just to make you happy and make you feel as though we've contributed?
Regarding hutang. First, apa kena mengena hutang kita dengan awak? Ada pernah sekali ke kita cakap yang kita tak nak bayar balik? Atau kita suka suka nak berhutang? Why is this suddenly your problem and suddenly your responsibility? Yes, we know...you are the good child. The one who is willing to sacrifice and give up everything to make sure that everything goes well in the family. Good job. Well done. Is that what you want to hear? Is that why you've been announcing to the whole world how tired and how alone you feel and how you have had to take over the responsibility of everything? Has the thought ever crossed your mind that other people have other commitments and we cannot simply drop everything in an instant? Or should we write in our blogs about what bad people/children we are and how lucky we are to have you around?
tp sy nak dia rasa mcm mana hati seorang ayah bila anak buat mcm tu pada dia. = this line is the reason that I'm writing this in my blog. This line is what made you cross the line with me. Before this, you wrote about ego or tak malu and hutang and what not but I always kept quiet. It was an issue you had with Abang and I kept my distance. But your doa that you want our child to sakitkan hati abang...that's crossing the line. Don't you dare bring my child into the picture. Don't you dare doakan benda tak bukan2 for my child who has not even been born yet. As an adult, shouldn't you doa that this cycle doesn't repeat? Or that since Abang is about to become a father that he would understand and mend his ways? But no...you chose the worst and ugliest thing you could doa for my child.
This is my doa for you. I doakan that one day you too will have a child of your own. And ni bukan dari niat jahat. I doa that you will be blessed with healthy, happy children who will fulfill your life and make you and your hubby proud to be their parents. And I doa that they will grow to be smart and successful human beings. Why do I doa all of this? Because this is what Abang and I doa for our child. When you are about to become a parent, you have this immediate instinct to have the best for your child. Good is not even enough. You also have a need to be protective over your child. So when I read those ugly, hurtful words, I knew it was time to speak up.
Why do I choose to do it here? Well, maybe it's the only way to get through to you since you felt that's the best way for you to get through to us. I know I'm no one in your family. I know you have a dislike for my background and probably don't even think I deserve what I have or that I've influenced Abang. I don't know. What I know is that I will not allow anyone to speak about my husband, my child and my family that way. No matter how hurt or upset a person is.
If you're unhappy with things, maybe you can try a different approach instead of having to announce it to the world. Maybe you can speak to Abang. And don't even say you've tried. Because what you do is wait till everyone is gathered and then menyalak macam anjing to him in front of everyone. You have humiliated him so many times and he has always kept quiet. You have broken his heart so many times and he has always pushed it aside. No, Abang is not perfect and his past may not be something he's proud of. But do you think announcing his private, personal problems to the world will make him solve things faster? Or make things better as a family? Have you ever thought of how what you say will affect other people? Are you proud and satisfied with what you've done?
What I need from you now is to stop announcing to the world private family matters that should remain private. When you feel angry and feel blogging is the only way to release your anger...write it down. But don't post it. Cause there are some things you say that you can never take back.
Don't bother worrying about our hutang. And stop making it your duty or responsibility. Like I said before, tak pernah skali pun sebelum ni we said we won't pay back. And it's not even your problem. Yes, he is your Ayah. But he's Abang's Ayah too. That problem is something that has nothing to do with you but everything to do between Ayah and Abang.
And stop with the hospital fees. We're grateful you initiated it and took care of it, but is there really a need to continuously drag the situation? Is it really difficult for you to understand our position? Do you realise that we're expecting our first child and we want it to be a happy experience? Or are you going to find a fault in that too?
I have had a beautiful pregnancy so far. And I am so close to holding our baby in my arms. You don't understand how long Abang has been waiting for this moment either. And we will not allow you to ruin it.
Don't expect me to be there for every family gathering anymore. And don't expect much from me. I'm not going to stop Abang from seeing or going to any of these gatherings. But I will not allow my child to be around people who are nothing but negative.
Dear _______,
There have been many times and quite a few people who told me to watch out for your mouth because you say what you think and sentiasa membebel. Even to people who are not involved. At first I thought ok, let's watch out. And after a while I just thought ok, she speaks her mind. There have been plenty of times where there are things you've said that made me feel that you've gone a little too far. But I kept quiet. Because hey, who am I?
A lot of things have changed in the last few months and I see that you have been resenting us more and more in those few months. Regarding Ayah's hospital fees, didn't Abang say that we can't afford to pay because we need to standby for the impending birth of our child? And if I'm not mistaken your response to him was, "kenapa tak bersalin kat hospital biasa?" First of all, I'm the one giving birth. Second of all, it is my choice and it is up to us where we want our child to be born. Are we meant to give up what we can just to make you happy and make you feel as though we've contributed?
Regarding hutang. First, apa kena mengena hutang kita dengan awak? Ada pernah sekali ke kita cakap yang kita tak nak bayar balik? Atau kita suka suka nak berhutang? Why is this suddenly your problem and suddenly your responsibility? Yes, we know...you are the good child. The one who is willing to sacrifice and give up everything to make sure that everything goes well in the family. Good job. Well done. Is that what you want to hear? Is that why you've been announcing to the whole world how tired and how alone you feel and how you have had to take over the responsibility of everything? Has the thought ever crossed your mind that other people have other commitments and we cannot simply drop everything in an instant? Or should we write in our blogs about what bad people/children we are and how lucky we are to have you around?
tp sy nak dia rasa mcm mana hati seorang ayah bila anak buat mcm tu pada dia. = this line is the reason that I'm writing this in my blog. This line is what made you cross the line with me. Before this, you wrote about ego or tak malu and hutang and what not but I always kept quiet. It was an issue you had with Abang and I kept my distance. But your doa that you want our child to sakitkan hati abang...that's crossing the line. Don't you dare bring my child into the picture. Don't you dare doakan benda tak bukan2 for my child who has not even been born yet. As an adult, shouldn't you doa that this cycle doesn't repeat? Or that since Abang is about to become a father that he would understand and mend his ways? But no...you chose the worst and ugliest thing you could doa for my child.
This is my doa for you. I doakan that one day you too will have a child of your own. And ni bukan dari niat jahat. I doa that you will be blessed with healthy, happy children who will fulfill your life and make you and your hubby proud to be their parents. And I doa that they will grow to be smart and successful human beings. Why do I doa all of this? Because this is what Abang and I doa for our child. When you are about to become a parent, you have this immediate instinct to have the best for your child. Good is not even enough. You also have a need to be protective over your child. So when I read those ugly, hurtful words, I knew it was time to speak up.
Why do I choose to do it here? Well, maybe it's the only way to get through to you since you felt that's the best way for you to get through to us. I know I'm no one in your family. I know you have a dislike for my background and probably don't even think I deserve what I have or that I've influenced Abang. I don't know. What I know is that I will not allow anyone to speak about my husband, my child and my family that way. No matter how hurt or upset a person is.
If you're unhappy with things, maybe you can try a different approach instead of having to announce it to the world. Maybe you can speak to Abang. And don't even say you've tried. Because what you do is wait till everyone is gathered and then menyalak macam anjing to him in front of everyone. You have humiliated him so many times and he has always kept quiet. You have broken his heart so many times and he has always pushed it aside. No, Abang is not perfect and his past may not be something he's proud of. But do you think announcing his private, personal problems to the world will make him solve things faster? Or make things better as a family? Have you ever thought of how what you say will affect other people? Are you proud and satisfied with what you've done?
What I need from you now is to stop announcing to the world private family matters that should remain private. When you feel angry and feel blogging is the only way to release your anger...write it down. But don't post it. Cause there are some things you say that you can never take back.
Don't bother worrying about our hutang. And stop making it your duty or responsibility. Like I said before, tak pernah skali pun sebelum ni we said we won't pay back. And it's not even your problem. Yes, he is your Ayah. But he's Abang's Ayah too. That problem is something that has nothing to do with you but everything to do between Ayah and Abang.
And stop with the hospital fees. We're grateful you initiated it and took care of it, but is there really a need to continuously drag the situation? Is it really difficult for you to understand our position? Do you realise that we're expecting our first child and we want it to be a happy experience? Or are you going to find a fault in that too?
I have had a beautiful pregnancy so far. And I am so close to holding our baby in my arms. You don't understand how long Abang has been waiting for this moment either. And we will not allow you to ruin it.
Don't expect me to be there for every family gathering anymore. And don't expect much from me. I'm not going to stop Abang from seeing or going to any of these gatherings. But I will not allow my child to be around people who are nothing but negative.
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